“My memory loves you, it asks about you all the time”
It has been a long few days, I don’t even know where to begin. It is the end of September which means I am starting to enter into the months that are hardest for me. My dad’s anniversary, and the holidays are quickly approaching. It’s something I have tried to ignore and push away, but the thought always finds its way back in. Mostly in the evening when I am just trying to get some sleep.
Last night I was up late with my roommate watching a movie, and unwinding after the crazy week. We watched an amazing movie, and had a cup of tea. It was probably around 12:30pm when we finally went to bed. I tossed and turned for about an hour before I finally fell asleep.
I had an unexpected visitor in my dreams last night..it was my dad. I don’t remember a lot of this dream sadly, but I do remember that he was at home with me. I remember being with him in the kitchen, he was making dinner (a burrito of course) and we were just hanging out. We had conversation, and I heard his voice again. Just typing that out brings tears to my eyes. It was such a peaceful time, and in those few hours that I was sleeping, I felt the weight lifted off my heart because for a while my life was back to normal. I had my dad home. That is the feeling I long for everyday. I long to just feel normal, and have him here to call up on the phone. There is a missing piece in my life now, and there is nothing that can replace it. When I had this dream about my dad, I woke up so happy and thankful because I got to see him again, but also sad because it makes me realize how much I miss him. This is the first dream I have had of him all year.
It’s amazing to have these dreams even if they only happen once a year. They remind me that my dad is always by my side even if I don’t see him in my dreams often. I know he is watching me from heaven, he sees all my struggles, all my successes, and all the tears that happen behind closed doors. I am glad that he visited me last night, I know he is watching me and can see how much I have been missing him this week. I just wish more than anything that he could be here again.
I am thankful for the time that I had with my dad for 13 years, and I am thankful for the little moments I get with him in my dreams now.