This month has been quite the month for me. Is there a way I can opt out of the month of October for the rest of my life? I wish.
This week I have been trying so hard to try to understand God, and why he lets certain things happen in life. On Sunday, I lost a friend unexpectedly. Since learning that news, I have been feeling a certain amount of brokenness. Not only brokenness because it makes me upset, but brokenness for her family, and the people who knew her. I know from experience that it hurts losing someone you love. My heart hurts for her family, and I am back to questioning God and asking “Why”. The small word, that we have no answer to.
In Isaiah 55:8-9 it says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways. This is the Lord’s declaration. For as Heaven is higher than Earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
This bible quote tells us that there are certain things that God does that we cannot understand, like death. He has power over all, and control over everything that happens everyday. We have a plan for our lives all laid out, but often time our plan doesn’t align with what God has planned for us. Our lives may feel shaken up sometimes, but what surprises us does not surprise God.
We have a God who is not afraid of our tears. He is the God who climbs into our pain with us.
I was talking to my roommate last night after Ignite about everything I was feeling. As we were talking I just remember saying that I wanted to trade my circumstances in for new ones. I am under a lot of stress at school with classes, and then on top of it dealing with the pain of losing a friend. The struggles I have are hard, and she told me something I have never thought about before. Our lives have a theme. I have noticed that the theme of my life is loss. Ever since I lost my dad in 8th grade God has taken, my uncle, and two of my friends. I guess God saw that I survived my dad’s death and He thought I could handle a few more. Well, I have but it hasn’t been easy.
I have grown in ways I did not think possible, and now have the strength and ability to help other hurting people around me. God is using my suffering for His good, and the good of other people. That is what I live for!
Even though God’s plan may not make sense, He still does have a plan for each and every one of us.
rest in peace, brooke. you are missed.