“There are times when I question why you have to be gone. I know that I will never get the answer, but it doesn’t stop me from wondering”
A little over a month ago, I experienced a loss of a friend. I went to high school with her, and she was one of the kindest, strongest people who I was lucky to know. I had a few classes with her and hung out with her at school often. Her positivity always made my days brighter, and she was the type of person that always lifted you up.
Well, about a month ago, I got some texts from my mom that told me that she was not doing well. I was at school, so I started to panic. She was sick and was in the hospital. After an operation that went seemingly well, things took a turn. The next thing I knew I had my mom texting me that she did not make it. I was crushed, and my heart was broken. I sat in my apartment that night, crying out to Jesus, with my small group leader by my side.
I flew home a few days ago from Oregon, and my mom happened to be picking up B’s mom too. I spotted her in baggage and yelled her name. She came over to me, and I gave her a hug because without even saying anything I knew that she needed one. Hugs are one of those things that serve as a huge comfort in times like these. Whenever someone gives me a hug when I am hurting, I feel comforted and safe. I just wanted to love on her, because I knew what she was feeling. We went to dinner that night, and as I was listening to her talk, I just remembered that I have been through everything she is currently going through. The hurt, the anger, the sadness. I have faced it all. Losing someone you love dearly is hard, and I sat there all night wishing that there was something I could do to take her pain away. All I could do in those moments is hold her hand, remind her that she isn’t alone in this, and pray for her.
That night, I went home and I prayed. I poured my heart out to God, as I prayed through the tears. I prayed for Brooke, her mom, her family, and her friends.
For the past few days, I have just been praying so much for this situation because it is all I know to do right now. I have faith that God is holding this situation in His hands. I have been hurting a lot in these past few days, missing Brooke a little bit extra and thinking about her daily. I find myself crying at random times upon thinking about her. Whether I am in Starbucks, or class, or even in my dorm, I sometimes find myself teary-eyed just thinking about her.
A few nights ago, I went to bed and during the night I had a dream. I had a dream about Brooke. It felt so real. I saw her standing there just like we used to at school. She looked so happy, and out of all pain. In Heaven, there is no pain, so I know that she is well up there. In this dream, we sat down, and we had a conversation. In this conversation, she told me that she wasn’t in pain anymore, and she thanked me for being at dinner with her mom the other night and comforting her. We continued to talk, and I wish it could be real. I woke up from this dream in a pile of tears. I have had a few dreams like this about my dad, but I wasn’t expecting to have one about B so soon after her passing. It makes me feel so thankful for the time I got with her on earth and hopeful that I will see her again one day in Heaven. I am so blessed that God allowed me to have this dream, and this time with my friend. It is always hard at first to have these visitation dreams, but in the end, they serve as such a comfort because you are able to see your loved ones out of pain and happy.
Always remember to tell your family and friends that you love them. Life is short.
Love you and miss you, B
Have a great weekend everyone,