Don’t feel ashamed when all you can do is pray. It is humble to admit that you yourself cannot change something, but God can. -e.c lynn
I am not really sure where to even start with this post, other than saying that I have been dealing with a whole lot of discouragement lately and it is really bringing me down. At the end of November I took my GKT which is the General Knowledge Test that I have to pass in order to get into the college of education. I studied hard for that exam prior to taking it. I felt confident that I would pass some or even all of the subtests my first try. Well a few days ago, I got an email that my scores were going to be coming out at 10pm. The night I got that email was a Tuesday so I went to Ignite and got home right around 10pm. I opened my laptop, said a prayer, and logged onto the website. I was immediately crushed, because all four subtests had the words “NOT PASSED” by them. I stared at my computer screen, hoping that this would change. After 10 minutes, I knew that this was for real. I walked into my roommates room in tears, feeling so discouraged that I hadn’t passed. She lifted me up, and encouraged me to study hard, and try again.
This is when I saw my season of discouragement begin.
The other piece of my life that is really bringing me down is my statistics class. All semester I have been working my butt off in this class. My professor is not the best, and even though I am struggling she does not help me. I thought that going to her office hours would work out in my favor but I was mistaken. My final exam is coming up on Friday, and I have never been so worried about something in my entire life. I have never had to worry about failing a class, but I guess there is a first for everything. I am genuinely freaking out that I am going to have to retake this stupid class over the summer. Last night it really hit me hard. My roommate and I had just gotten home from a christmas party, and we were hanging out in the living room watching tv, when out of nowhere I just started crying. The tears flowed down my face as I was panicking about this exam that I have to take in a week. I didn’t even know how else to react but to just cry. I barely had words for how I was feeling. I am thankful for the encouragement I had from my roommate, who kept telling me that it isn’t the end of the world if I fail statistics. Her uplifting words and encouragement meant a lot for me to hear. We stayed up till almost 2 am talking, while I continued to cry on and off about this class. All I kept thinking was how I did not want to disappoint my parents by failing a class. It is really hard not to have my dad here with me right now to encourage me and help me, but I am blessed for the great friends I have out here at school with me.
I hope this season ends soon.
If you read this, please say a prayer for my anxious heart, and this final exam.